Introspection

There are periods of my life when, after certain experiences or conversations, I feel stripped to the core. My body and soul are raw and exhausted from feeling such intense emotions and from getting a glimpse into the very essence of what I am, or what I am not, that I barely have the energy to approach the next day. I suppose these times are beneficial because it gives me an opportunity to prove the strength of my character. It gives me the chance to fight against the almost overpowering desire to simply curl up into and ball so I don't have to face the future and all the things I need to address about myself. It would be so much easier to just stay in bed all day long. So I guess the fact that I got up, worked out, and got dressed today are small victories. Battles are not won by staying in bed.

Introspection has always been particularly difficult for me. Multiple mouths have told me that I'm too hard on myself, yet I hesitate to believe them because I do not want to give myself excuses. I hate to face all the things that I need to work on about myself... it is almost debilitating to me. But I think the time has come to really, truly, confront the things I am lacking as well as purging myself of habits that poison me and inhibit my ability to become what I am told I can. I am dreading how difficult this will be, but I think I've skirted around the issues for long enough. I guess you have to hit bottom before you can go back up. Hopefully I'll be on the rise soon.